


You belong with me

by breathing_underwater24



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pilar is the biggest Venji shipper, little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25416799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathing_underwater24/pseuds/breathing_underwater24
Summary: Benji is no stranger of bad decisions. In his 20 years he has made a lot of bad ones. But he knows falling for his best friend and staying secretly in love with him must be the worst one.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Mia Brooks/Andrew Spencer, Pilar Salazar/Felix Weston
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	You belong with me

**Author's Note:**

> This is very self-indulgent as there is the Mia/Victor friendship we all deserved and also I ship Felix and Pilar, so they are another power couple here. Pilar is also the only one with braincells hehe.

Benji is no stranger of bad decisions. In his 20 years he has made _a lot_ of bad ones. But he knows falling for his best friend and staying secretly in love with him must be the worst one.

The thing is, when he became friends with Victor he felt so understood, so comfortable with him that he didn't realize he was falling in love. Victor is really attractive, and the kindest, funniest person he knows. He also can talk about anything with him. Of course he would like him. But there aren't many people like Victor. No one like Victor.

Which of course means that Victor has a boyfriend, a boyfriend of three years, no less. And a happy established relationship.

So Benji does his best to try to be the friend Victor deserves, but sometimes is especially hard, like now.

Victor has invited him and their friends -Mia and Félix- to his game. Watching Victor all hot and sweaty doing the sport he loves is a sight Benji can't resist.

However, when Brian, Victor's boyfriend tags along Benji feels guilty lusting after his friend.

The first quarter of the game starts and Brian isn't around so Benji can look all he wants, Félix is carrying a banner that says “Victor Victorious” with neon letters and shouting words of support.

The three of them shout when Victor passes the ball through the hoop two times and then the halftime arrives and he jogs towards the benches and waves them. He also laughs a lot when he sees the banner. 

Finally the game is over with Victor's team winning and the crowd is congratulating the team.

“Let's wait till his fans finish” says Mia raising her eyebrows to the crowd around Victor.

Benji can't help but notice how even after the success Victor smiles nervously anda little ackwards, like he can't believe he made the team win. Like he isn't used to the attention. But he really thrives on it. 

“So, Brian didn't plan on coming or what? Is the 3rd game he misses” says Mia pulling Benji out of his thoughts. 

“I know” replies Félix, “he really has missed some games lately”. They both look disapproving as if they were Victor's parents.

“Maybe he is busy with school or something”. Benji has the irrational need of defending Brian's absence because he knows the moment he starts believing there are problems in their relationship, he will have hope. And he can't allow that.

Both Mia and Félix snort. “Please, we all have school and work and we are still here”.

“And Mia is pre-med and top of her class and she managed to come” argues Félix which doesn't help Benji's argument so instead, he just shrugs. 

“Do you think they…” begins Félix looking wide-eyed like he just realized something.

“I wish, god knows they are not good for each other” says Mia.

“Why?” because he can't help it. He wants to know, even after knowing Victor doesn't see him in that way.

“They have a weird co-dependence, I mean, I am sure that they loved each other once but know it's obvious it's not there anymore”.

“How would you know? Maybe they are just having troubles like any other relationship” says Benji because he really was expecting some actual facts and not wishful thinking.

“Why you are always so keen on defending their relationship?” asks Mia and for a moment is likes he can see through him.

She is insanely smart and good at reading people and Benji has to be careful in remembering that.

“I am just saying that people have problems all the time, like you and Andrew and I don't think Victor would be the kind of guy to stay in a relationship he doesn't want” he replies.

“That's actually true, people decide who they stay with” says Félix and hearing that just makes Benji's heart sting. 

“You have a point there BUT- he really is the guy who would sacrifice himself in a relationship even if he's not happy”.

Benji wants to ask more, his masochist part wants to know how Mia comes to those conclusions.

He feels his presence before seeing him. “Guys! You came!” says Victor joining them as if they don't manage to come to almost all his games.

“Obviously” Mia rolls her eyes playfully while Félix goes for a hug but at the last moments stops seeing how sweaty Victor is.

“You were amazing there dude” says Félix and begins rambling about the game while Victor assures him he will have the banner his friend made in a special place.

Benji just stays quiet. He likes to watch him but eventually Victor notices he hasn't said a word. (He always does).

“Hey” he touches Benji's shoulder playfully. “You didn't tell me what you think”.

Benji fakes having to think about it. “I am not sure, could've been better but it was okay”.

“Seriously?”

“God, no” Benji chuckles because they always joke like this. “Félix is right, you were amazing there. The team is really lucky to have you”.

Victor smiles brightly and these are the moments where Benji is sure he hasn't seen anything more beautiful.

“So, burgers or what? I am starving” interrupts Mia and thank god because sometimes Benji is afraid Victor can see it all.

He'll nevera forget that one time Andrew teased him for having heart eyes for Victor.

Since then he has tried to be more careful but Victor is the most stunning person he has ever seen. How can he not look at him all the time?

They end at their usual place where Andrew and Pilar (Félix's girlfriend and also Victor's sister) join them.

Andrew is telling them about how he went to this party full of politicians (his dad is running for congress) and how a guy accidentally spilled his drink in another and turned into a full-blown fight which involved a lot of champagne and two dogs. Honestly, rich people are weird.

The waiter arrives and they all order their usuals. Victor is taking a quick shower in the school gym so he is joining them later but Benji already knows what he wants so he orders two double cheeseburgers, an order of onion rings, extra big fries and milkshakes, oh, and cheesecake.

The waiter just looks at him oddly probably wondering how Benji is going to eat all of this but doesn't say anything else.

When they all finish ordering Pilar whispers, “He was totally checking you out”.

“He was just wondering how I am gonna eat all that food”.

“No dude, he was totally giving you the look” says Andrew wiggling his eyebrows while Félix nods. 

Benji couldn't care less but he knows he has to pretend to be at least a little interested so he won't raise more questions from Andrew, the guy is really perceptive, and probably Mia too as they tell each other everything. They really are the power couple.

“He is not bad” he says noncommittally. He manages to see him behind the counter and yes, the guy is okay.

A little short like Benji and dark blonde hair, but he is missing that soft brown eyes and brown skin and kind smile and…

“Who is not that bad?” says a voice and Benji jumps. 

“Look who is, the star of the basketball team” Mia says.

“What? I thought I was the star” pouts Andrew and they all laugh.

“In my heart baby” mocks Mia.

“But no, we were actually talking about the waiter flirting with Benji” says Pilar.

“He was not flirting” intervenes Benji.

Just then the waiter arrives with some of the food. 

“Hope you enjoy it” he says smiling at Benji and he smiles too, the plate in his shirt says: “Jamie”.

“Thanks” he answers and after Jamie goes to the kitchen again they all look at Benji.

“Yeah, that was something” Mia says before dripping some fries in her milkshake.

Benji stuffs his mouth with his burguer so he doesn't have to answer.

“Wait, what did I miss” asks Victor squeezing himself right next to Benji.

“Just the hot waiter flirting with Benji” says Pilar nonchalantly. 

“Wait, you thought he was hot? asks Félix.

“Yeah, for Benji” that seems to ease Félix who smiles while kissing Pilar in her cheek.

“You should ask him out” says Victor. And there it is. The moments where Benji is constantly reminded how Victor won't ever see him like he wants.

“I don't know. Where is Brian by the way?” he didn't mean to sound bitter but it slipped nonetheless.

Victor just shrugs and a weird tension fills the table. Finally Félix says some joke that breaks the tension and the rest of the evening is comfortable. 

* * *

When Benji arrives at his house after Mia drives him to the dorms he is exhausted and tomorrow he has an early shift.

His phone rings and he is surprised to see his dad calling. He has an strained relationship with him since that time when he was 16 and he crashed his car and ended in the hospital, not his best moment and after he told his father he was gay things only got worse for a while. 

Then he entered college and moved away to the dorms, they both were relieved although his father would never admit it.

“Hi son” says his father. “Hi dad” says Benji, he can't pinpoint why but his father sounds strange, and he usually doesn't call him without a good reason.

“How are you?” they both suck at small talk but Benji tries his best telling him that work is good and he was hanging out with his friends.

“So, they promoted me at work”.

Benji waits.

“And I am renting the house”.

“When?”

“In two weeks a family is moving in but don't worry, I am going to send you some extra money and you're staying in the dorms right?”

Benji doesn't tell him the dorms are closing in a week as it is summer and reopen till the summer courses in a month and Benji hasn't enrolled in any.

“Okay, that's great dad, congratulations” he finally says after a moment of silence. “I actually have to go, but I'll talk to you later”. His dad whispers a goodbye and Benji hangs up. What is he going to do?

He has one week to figure out if he can crash someone's sofa. Félix is a no, he is spending summer break with Victor and Pilar.

Mia has some rooms to spare in her super big house but she already told them she is going to some fancy beach with Andrew in the Caribbean.

He has some friends in his classes but none close enough to actually ask them. 

Maybe he could talk to his supervisor, there's a room in the back of the café that is used for storage but he could sleep there. Yeah, he is going to ask tomorrow.

* * *

Benji is nervous. Samantha, his supervisor is a good boss but he also knows that doesn't necessarily mean she will let him sleep there.

It's 2pm and his shift has already finished but he is waiting for Samantha.

“Hey! what are you doing here?” Victor smiles at him.

“Waiting for Samantha actually” Victor has the late shift in weekends.

“Oh no, a coffee machine emergency?”. Benji chuckles. “God no, I was going to ask her about the storage room”.

“What about it?”

Before Benji can answer Samantha arrives. “Hi, guys”.

“Samantha, can I talk to you for a second?” he asks. 

“Sure, but I have to run for some errands so let's be quick”. Benji nods and Victor gives him a thumbs up.

“So what is it?”.

“I was wondering if you could let me sleep in the storage room a few weeks, dorms are closing and I can't return home”, he hates pity but he really has no other option and Samantha looks very surprised.

“Is everything okay at home?”

“Yes, it's just I can't return right now” Benji tries to say in a casual manner because Samantha is looking really alarmed now, like she is going to call child services at any moment.

“I am so sorry Benji but I can't” his heart sinks. “The new coffee suppliers are coming next week and they is also a bit of remodeling around here”.

“Oh, well thanks anyway”.

“But maybe you can stay with a friend, I am sure you can ask Victor”.

He really can't.

“Yeah, I'll ask him” he fakes a smile before grabbing his things and leaving.

* * *

“You are so dumb”.

“Pilar?” Benji has just woken up from a nap and answered the phone without looking who was calling.

“Yes, who else?” as if it were a common thing Pilar calling Benji. Unless…

“Is Victor okay? Has something happened to him?”

“Of course he is okay, I mean, it's not that I didn't see this coming, Brian is nice but too bland, anyway-”

“What are you talking about?”

“Didn't Victor tell you?”

“Tell me what?” he feels something in his gut shifting.

“He and Brian broke up”.

Maybe Benji is really hallucinating right now.

“He did not tell me” he says trying to process what he just heard.

“Doesn't surprise me, he likes to wallow in pity alone”.

“I thought you say he is okay”.

“Yeah he is, but you know, Brian was his first everything blah blah”. Benji already knew that but he definitely didn't need to be reminded.

“Maybe it's just a break, and they'll get back together”. He hopes not.

“As if” snorts Pilar. “It was Victor who broke up with him”

“I don't believe you”, because he really can't phantom the thought.

“Well you better, he finally got some balls. I am actually impressed it took him this long”.

“They are high school sweethearts”.

“High school couples never last, look at Lake and Félix”.

“Are you jealous Pilar?” says Benji trying to forget about Victor breaking up with Brian and why he did it.

“No, Félix loves me” she says confidently. 

“Okay, so did you just call me to gossip about Victor?”

“Surprisingly no, but we should repeat this. You are way more fun than his friends. I am actually calling because you are going to move in with us for the summer”.

“I am sorry WHAT?”

“You will have to share room with Félix but you two get along so it's fine, just don't bring a lot of stuff”.

“I don't think your parents-”

“Please, they are going to Colombia to visit our grandparents and Félix lives practically here during the summer so-you will be in Adrian's room”.

“Does Victor knows?”

“Of course he knows, that's why I'm calling you, he was pretty mad you didn't tell him earlier and he found out from Samantha”.

Great. This isn't what Benji wanted. Intruding into someone's life. Victor is too nice to say no but that doesn't mean he actually wants him there. They are good friends, yes.

But they have never spend that much time together. Living under the same roof 24/7. 

“Thanks a lot Pilar, really, but I don't think-

“Shut up and accept it. We are going back to Atlanta this Friday so make sure to be ready” and with that Pilar hangs up.

  
  


* * *

“I am so excited to have a roomie” Félix smiles while Benji leaves his things in his bed.

Theyj had breakfast and despite Benji's worries, they all fell back in a good camaraderie while joking about some stunt Victor and Félix did in high school.

“But you and Victor are already roomies in the dorms”.

“I know but he is always out in some game or studying or with Brian so-”

“I see”.

“Babe, can you come?” Pilar's voice sounds in the next room. ¿Babe? Benji has never heard Pilar calling Félix pet names but they are in their house so he guesses it's different. The Salazar's house.

Benji can't believe he is here. He was a bit reluctant but there was really no other option and he has to admit deep down seeing Victor everyday is enough to convince him.

However, he is a little afraid that spending too much time together Victor is going to get tired of him or worse, realize Benji feels something.

“My lady needs me” says Félix before going to Pilar's room. Benji nods and after folding his clothes and putting his guitar in a corner of the room he knocks on the bathroom door.

“I am almost done!” Victor shouts.

“Okay, I'll wait. Just wanted to brush my teeth”.

“Come in” says Victor.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, mi casa es tu casa”.

“Right” as soon as Benji enters, he realizes it was a mistake. Victor is showering, it was obvious from the sound but the shower curtain is translucent and he can see Victor's figure and he can almost imagine the water dripping down Victor's chest down to his hips and legs and then....

Benji forces himself to look at the mirror and actually brush his teeth. 

He will definitely not think about his friend naked in the shower right now. He tries singing a song to distract himself.

Maybe some Metallica, he begins humming Nothing Else Matters when he hears the shower stop and he frantically finishes brushing his teeth so he doesn't have to see Victor but he is not fast enough because Victor is coming out with a towel wrapped around his waist and another drying his hair.

He spits the rest of the toothpaste and makes a conscious effort of not glancing at Victor but the bathroom is small and they both reach the doorknob at the same time.

“Sorry” Victor says at the same time they collide trying to open the door.

He feels Victor's skin warm and humid and can't help but look at the defined muscles of Victor's arms and the brown skin everywhere and the moles in his shoulders and neck.

He didn't know Victor had so many moles. He wonders where else he has. 

“You first” says Benji after realizing he has been silent enough to be awkward and he makes a gesture to let Victor go out first. Victor almost trips on his way out and Benji runs towards his and Felix's room.

He breaths a few times to calm down. It's the first day and he is already lusting after Victor, he won't survive this.

He kills some time playing the guitar and looking for a poetry book he bought. His friends like to tease him he is a hopeless romantic and Benji used to feel ashamed, especially when his ex, Derek, mocked about how he did silly things like writing love letters to him.

Let's say it took him a while to learn that's how he was and he wasn't going to change or have gestures with people that didn't appreciate him.

The book he was currently reading was one hundred love sonnets by Pablo Neruda. His favorite one so far was the XVII:

> _I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_
> 
> _in secret, between the shadow and the soul._
> 
> _I love you as the plant that never blooms_
> 
> _but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;_
> 
> _thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,_
> 
> _risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body._

“What are you reading?”

“Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack” says Benji startled. Victor is smiling totally unaware that just twenty minutes ago Benji was having dirty thoughts about him.

“Nothing” says Benji quickly while closing the book.

“It didn't look like nothing” said Victor while sitting in Benji's bed. Benji has to remind himself that Victor would never make fun of him for reading love poetry.

“It's some poetry I've been reading”.

“Cool, I wish I read more” says Victor while Benji hands him the book.

“I don't think it's good for the image of the popular jock”.

“Shut up, you are the popular one, with the deep and melancholic musician vibe”.

“Ha! I wish, then I would have groupies”.

Victor is reading the titles of the sonnets.

“You want groupies?”

 _No. Only you_.

“Maybe”.

“What about the waiter from the other day?” Benji wishes everyone stop asking him about that. He just shrugs and Victor gets that he doesn't want to talk about it.

“What sonnet were you reading?”

“This?” Benji takes the book gently from Victor's hands and reads aloud one of his favorite lines: “I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” 

He then stops and gives the book back to Victor who is looking at him with a weird expression.

“I have never heard you read aloud”.

“That's because you are already blessed with hearing my angelical voice” jokes Benji because the way Victor is looking at him is doing things to his heart.

“You should-I don't know perform in the open mic night or something when we get back”.

“I am not sure, I mean, who would want to hear sad poems about love”.

“Well I would, besides, many people are heartbroken” says Victor matter-of-factly.

Shit. He hadn't even asked how Victor was doing with his own breakup.

“How are you? With the Brian thing”.

Victor sighs while touching his hair which is a sign he is nervous. 

“I-didn't want to really say anything yet-"

“I am sorry, I shouldn't-

“No, no. It's okay. I know we've met for a very short time but I trust you so much. I have been confused for some time and I needed to be sure I was making the right decision”.

Why was Victor confused?

“And did you?”

“Yes” Victor says leaving the book in the bed. “I knew deep down that Brian and I weren't in love anymore but I guess it just was easier to ignore it and stay together”.

“As long as you are okay”.

“Yes, I am. Félix is very worried that I might-I don't know lock in my room and cry all the weekend but I feel guilty, I feel like I should want to lock myself in my room and cry all day but I don't feel sad, just kind of….empty”.

“I don't think there is a “right way” of how to feel. I mean, maybe you just are in shock”.

“I think I have already passed that phase” Victor laughs. “He was the one who asked me for a break actually”.

“What?” because why in the world Brian would breakup with Victor?

“Yes, he said he needed time to think and we separated but it just felt like the same dynamic we had, nothing changed”.

“And do you...want to get back with him?” Benji doesn't know what answer he wants most.

“No. Why?” Victor is staring at him as if he can read his mind, and for a moment Benji is afraid he can.

“I mean, relationships are not only about love but commitment too. I think it's a choice you make everyday, to stay with that person, even if sometimes you feel like you don't want to be or you are in a bad mood or something, you look at the person and say I want to be with you, even after all” answers Benji vehemently.

“Wow” replies Victor. “You're right, is looking to that person and saying I want to be with you”. Is Benji imaging thinks or Victor looked at his lips for a second?

“Or that's what Neruda says” Benji has just realized they are very close, like if he moves forward he could kiss him.

“I suck at spanish and you know it” Victor says sheeply.

“Very bad Mr. Salazar”.

“VICTOOOOOOR” Pilar shouts.

“I should go before she kills Félix” and with that Victor leaves the room.

Benji is so screwed.

* * *

They are watching Mean Girls by suggestion of Pilar which is surprisingly good but then they begin watching some weird artsy film Félix suggested and they all are falling asleep.

Benji tries to keep his eyes open but Victor is not as successful as he is closing his eyes and reclining against Benji. Besides him are Pilar and Félix whispering things to each other.

Victor looks so peaceful asleep and he can't resist touching his hair. Victor hums and snuggles against Benji's chest and he could die happy right there.

Eventually he falls asleep too and then wakes up disoriented, Pilar and Félix are not longer there and he tries to stand up without moving Victor too much who just makes soft noises of protest.

He goes to his room and doesn't see Félix there so he must be at Pilar's room. He knows he can't leave Victor in the sofa where he will sleep with a neck paralysis or something so he returns to the living room and moves Victor's shoulder trying to wake him up.

Victor against makes sound of protest and his heart is melting seeing him so soft. Finally he manages to wake him up.

“Hey” he says sleepy.

“Victor, the film is over, let's go”.

Victor nods drowning a yawn and stumbles a little, Benji turns the tv off and picks up the popcorn left and some candy wraps to throw them in the trash.

“You don't have to” says Victor still sounding asleep.

“It's okay”. It's the least he can do. Still Victor makes him company and dries the dishes left while Benji washes them.

They work in perfect synchrony without saying a word, just enjoying each other's company. Until Victor makes a question that makes Benji drop a glass.

“Can you recite that poem you were reading the other day?”

For a moment Benji is sure he didn't heard right.

“Which one?” he says playing dumb.

“The one about shadows and dark things”. Benji doesn't question him and instead clears his throat.

> _I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._
> 
> _I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;_
> 
> _so I love you because I know no other way_
> 
> _that this: where I does not exist, nor you,_
> 
> _so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,_
> 
> _so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

When he finishes Victor doesn't say anything and Benji follows along. They finish cleaning the kitchen and they just whisper good nights before they go to their rooms.

Benji tries to sleep. Really. But his mind is too busy repeating the soft hums of Victor while Benji played with his hair, and how Benji told the poem straight from his heart.

Victor must know right? Or at least suspect. He bared his heart there. But then Victor was half-asleep. Maybe he won't remember tomorrow.

The next morning Benji wakes up with a bad mood and decides to stay in his room alone. They had planned going to the park and have a picnic but he decides to fake being ill.

He knows he is fooling himself. Interacting with Victor in a daily basis so much has only make his feelings clearer. They are good together, they get each other but as friends.

Good friends.

He hears noises around midday and waits until there is silence to get out and eat something. When he is sure no one is there he finally goes to the kitchen.

“I knew it” says Pilar sitting in the dining room. Benji tries to hide his surprise. “Where are the others?”

“Went to the park. But you know that”.

Benji ignores her look and begins serving cereal in a bowl.

“I can't do all the work on my own you know?”

“What are you doing Pilar?” because Benji is suspecting what she means and he doesn't like it.

“Trying to get both your heads off your asses and just get together”.

“Victor doesn't seem to like me that way and he just broke up with Brian”.

“First: he totally sees you that way. Second: he wasn't into Brian that much”.

“Look, Victor and I are good friends and that's all there is”.

“Seriously? You are as stubborn as him. He has liked you since the day he met you”.

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, but a sister knows” says Pillar rolling her eyes.

“He likes me but not like that”.

“He bought condoms when we went to the drugstore yesterday”.

Benji almost chokes eating his cereal.

“And between you and me, the sex wasn't good between him and Brian so you have a point in your favor”.

“And you know that because?”

“The walls are thin, believe me, I would have prefered not to know that and Félix also thinks Victor likes you. In fact we all think it”.

Benji feels his heart swelling with hope but he is not sure Pilar's theory is right.

“He met me and still dated Brian for another whole year and I've been here and he hasn't said or tried anything”.

“I didn't say my brother wasn't slow. He has this complex of perfect son where he puts the happiness of everybody above his own all the time”.

“And what has changed? He needs to decide who he wants to be with by himself” because Benji wants to be desperately with Victor but he has only been a good friend to him and never gave him signals of more.

“Me obviously, I am not going to just sit there and watch you two pining forever”.

“Pilar, i already told you-

“Look, I may be wrong which never happens BUT I have a plan”.

“Pilar-”

“Just answer this: You love my brother?”

And Benji really can't lie for his life, not when is so obvious everybody knows about his feelings.

“Of course I do”.

“Great, that's all I needed to know”.

* * *

Benji feels anxious the rest of the afternoon. Maybe it was a mistake confessing his love for Victor to his sister. What was he thinking? He wasn't.

He actually was so engrossed with the idea that maybe Victor actually feels something that he jumped at the chance of something happening.

He may get sick after all.

“Dude, you are okay?” says Félix as soon as he sees Benji wrapped like a burrito in his bed.

“Just feeling a little sick of my stomach” at least that part is true.

“Do you want me to bring you something, some chicken soup? I make a good one” says Félix concerned checking if he has fever. Honestly it feels good been taken care of and Félix is a really good friend but Benji just wants to be alone.

“Nah man, thanks but I am just gonna sleep” he says before hiding under the covers. 

“Knock knock” Victor enters the room with a glass of water.

“Hey” Benji sits up.

“I am gonna head out, call me if you need anything” says Félix.

“How are you feeling?” Victor asks while passing the glass of water to Benji.

“A bit drowsy but it's okay” he says and drinks the water Victor brought. His beautiful brown eyes look concerned.

“Maybe it was the sushi we ordered yesterday” Victor begins recounting what they ate since yesterday and how can Benji not love him when he looks all concerned?

“Dunno, I just haven't been able to sleep really”.

“I get it. Is there something that helps you?”

Besides confessing his feelings Benji can't think of something that will help his anxiety.

“I could read you something” that surprises Benji and he sees Victor smiling all shy. “I mean, it helped me the other night”.

“I was that boring huh”. 

“Shut up, you know that wasn't it”.

“How would I know? I recite Neruda and you instantly fall asleep, your words”.

“Ok, that's really not what I meant” whines Victor.

“And what did you mean?”

“Well, there are things that help me” Victor looks around the room as if searching something.

“When Adrian can't sleep he uses a teddy bear”.

“I could use one”.

“But I think he took it to Colombia”.

“That's a problem”. 

“Definitely”.

And maybe Benji is that crazy but he decides to take his shot.

“Could you…?” Sleep with him sounds bad.

“...be my teddy bear?” Benji cringes at his own words. That sounded so sappy.

But Victor just smiles again. “Sure” and then he is taking his shoes off and getting under the covers with Benji.

For a moment they don't know what to do, maybe Victor really just thinks them as bros that cuddle.

“I hug Félix all the time so maybe...mmmm….is okay if you want to hug me or something” says Victor and Benji exhales in relief.

He doesn't want to make this awkward and it looks like Victor is used to this kind of platonic affection. For today, is enough. Benji puts his hands carefully around Victor' waist and his head in his chest and with that he falls asleep.

* * *

It's night time when Benji wakes up. He feels strong arms around him and for a moment he is disoriented but then realizes he is actually in Victor's arms and smiles, he looks up and Victor is already awake looking lost in thoughts. 

_I love you so much_ , thinks Benji.

“Hey, what's up?”

Victor blinks and smiles at Benji. “Nothing, how are you feeling?”

“Better” he admits.

“We should sleep together more times-I mean not like that” Victor blushes furiously and trips with his words. Benji laughs seeing him so flustered.

He definitely wants to sleep with him _like that_ but now is good too, he feels very safe and comfortable.

“Totally”.

“Come on, let's cook something, I am starving”.

“You are always starving Victor”.

“Hey, I am a boy growing” says Victor standing up and lifting on his tiptoes which already makes a huge different in height with Benji who barely reaches 1.70m.

“Not sure how you could grow more but okay”. They go to the kitchen and Victor has decided he wants to make enchiladas so Benji is getting the ingredients from the fridge when Victor's phone begins ringing.

Victor answers and meanwhile Benji knocks on Pilar's room.

“We are making enchiladas, come help us!”. There are muffled sounds of voices and Félix opens with a wide smile. “You do look better man” and then Benji notices he has his shirt inside out.

“You...mmmm…” he signals to Félix's shirt who finally realizes it. “It's a new style I am trying”.

“Clearly” laughs Benji. “Come on”.

When they arrive at the kitchen Victor is no longer talking in the phone and he is already cutting the vegetables.

“Pili, help me with the chicken” Pilar winces but she opens the fridge to get the chicken.

“What do you need?” asks Benji. Victor stops cutting the carrots and looks around until finally settling his look on him.

“You cut the tomatoes” says signaling with the knife and they fall into the same synchrony as when they work at the coffee shop.

Victor's phone begins ringing again and he sees how Victor grows stiff as he answers the phone. He just gives short answers and starts putting on a jacket and searching for his keys.

They all look worried and he sees Pilar mouthing something which Victor denies. Finally he hangs up.

“I need to go” he says in a hurry.

“Is everything okay?” asks Félix. 

“Yeah yeah, don't worry about it-who grabbed the keys?” 

They all begin looking for them and Pilar finds them under a cushion. “There”.

“Are you sure you are okay? Is someone hurt?” Benji can't help wanting to know the reason Victor is so nervous.

“Yeah bro, we could go with you-

“NO” interrupts Victor loudly.

“We are definitely going with you now” Pilar says what Benji is thinking, and he begins to search for a jacket when Victor says something that breaks his heart.

“It's Brian, I need to go”.

“Brian” repeats quietly Benji. Of fucking course. How could he have been so stupid to think he had a chance with Victor?

“Please tell me you're not ditching us for your ex” Pilar is the only one brave enough to say what they are all thinking.

“I am not ditching anyone but there are some things I need to solve now”.

“And it can't wait” someone asks but Benji is blinking hard trying to stop the stupid tears. He should have known. It was a mistake agreeing to come here.

“No, it can't” and with that Victor leaves.

* * *

The good thing about reading poetry is that there are more poems of pain and heartbreak than romantic ones. There are also many songs he could play but instead he decides to hear sad songs for the rest of the night.

When he wakes up the next day he hears Félix and Pilar's voices and decides to act like he didn't have his heart broken last night and puts on a cheerful face.

“Hey” he says ruffling his hair and then he notices Victor is also there. He doesn't look sad or angry so he probably got back together with Brian.

“Dude, are you okay? You listened to Nightcall like 20 times”. And Félix had to ruin his facade with that comment.

“Yeah, everything cool” he says with fake cheerness and avoids Victor's glance. H

has decided he will pack his things soon and crash with a cousin, he'll beg if he has to but he can't handle anymore being around Victor. He needs time to compose himself.

“I actually meant to tell you guys but I kinda forgot, my cousin Layla, she has a spare bedroom so I'll go stay with her, I haven't seen her in so long”. 

“You never mentioned her” Pilar says but Benji is prepared this time.

“I didn't think she would have free space but her roommate is moving out and I am really glad you let me stay these days, but…”

“But there is space here too” says Victor and he looks at him questioningly. 

_Sorry Victor._

“And we are roommates” and Félix looks sad even though he spends the majority of his time in Pilar's room.

“I-

“Let's eat first and then we can talk about this, I made pancakes” Benji knows this is the way Victor avoids conflicts, by distracting everyone with food but he doesn't mind.

When they finish eating Pilar and Félix excuse themselves and Benji begins washing the dishes while Victor dries them.

“About last night-”

“Its okay, you don't have to explain anything, it's your relationship” answers Benji concentrating very hard on washing the dishes correctly.

“Brian-

“And you sorted things out. That's great” interrupts Benji because he really doesn't want to hear the details.

“We did. Actually I needed to let him clear we weren't getting back together”.

“Cool” responds Benji curtly. 

“He wanted to get back and I just had to tell him we were broken up for good”.

“That's a little hard to believe” whispers Benji more for him but Victor hears it too because he looks taken aback.

“Why?”

“I mean, first love and all that”.

“Well we're not”.

“Okay” because what does Victor want him to say? He doesn't wait for him to say anything else and goes straight to his room to begin packing. He is opening his suitcase when he hears a soft knock, no one knocks except Victor.

“Come in” he says without turning back. 

“Benji” Victor says and it sounds more like a pleading. Benji doesn't turn back. He can't, he has the truth written all over his face.

“Yes?”

He hears Victor coming nearer and then a warm hand in his arm, he turns around and then he feels lips crashing into him. 

He is in shock, he can't believe this is happening and it isn't some sort of delirium but then Victors takes a step back and Benji can't let that happen, he grabs him by his waist and begins to kiss him, hard.

Victor lets out a soft moan and it's the best thing he has ever heard. Victor has one hand in Benji's hair and the other deeply tugging his arm as to not let him go. He doesn't have to worry about that.

Benji tries to open his mouth more as to let his tongue touch Victor's and he shivers. Victor. Victor. Victor. Is all in his mind. The way he feels so pliable in his hands but so strong. How he smells of the citrus shampoo he uses and butter and flour of the pancakes he cook. How he tastes like honey.

Their tongues fight for dominance and he needs more, he needs to kiss Victor everywhere so he begins kissing his jaw and the stubble of two days, then down his collarbone which makes Victor moan again and Benji decides he needs to kiss more that spot so he begins sucking it.

“Benji” whispers Victor breathless and he slams them against the wall with a force that surprises Benji, he stops sucking and sees how Victor has his eyes closed and mouth half open. He has never been so turned on.

“Why you stop?” says Victor now looking at him with dark eyes full of lust.

“Are you sure about this? I am not a rebound right?” because as much as Benji wants this he needs to know.

“Never”.

“Do you want this?”

“Benji, I have wanted this since the moment I saw you”. Benji feels a thrill he has never experienced, Victor wanted him too. But this is a conversation that can wait, now Benji needs to feel Victor.

He seems to think the same thing because he begins unbuckling Benji's pants.

“Victor, we can-

He loses the ability to talk when he feels a tongue. Victor just slid down his boxers and now has his dick in his mouth and he shivers again at the delicious feeling.

He can't believe the sight in front of him. Victor sucking him enthusiastically, and Benji is so hard and this beautiful boy is just deepthroating him and he can't help but bounce his hips and get deeper in Victor's mouth who looks like he really knows what he is doing.

He knows he is going to come soon so he tries to separate.

“Wait, wait”. Victor stops immediately.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, yes, I am going to come if you keep doing that”.

“That's the idea” Victor looks so tempting with his red lips and messy hair in his knees but Benji wants all of him.

“But I want to do something first” he says and he unbuttons Victor jeans and grabs his dick above his underwear. Victor rolls his eyes backwards and he likes how he is so receptive to everything.

“I want to make you come first” he whispers in Victor's ear who just nods and bites his shoulder while Benji is stroking him relentlessly. 

“You are so beautiful” he says to Victor who is too busy kissing Benji's neck, collarbone, shoulders. “Do you have any idea how much I've dreamed of this” because apparently he can't shut up now that he has Victor.

Victor stops kissing his earlobe and cups Benji's face with his hands. “Really?”

Benji nods while beginning to cup Victor's balls. “Yes, so much”.

Victor kisses him again with full mouth and tongue and then Benji feels the hot liquid squirting in his hand and Victor collapses against him.

Benji goes to the bathroom and a wet cloth with warm water and cleans them as much as he can and Victor intertwines their hands and pulls him toward the bed.

They cuddle Victor being the big spoon and Benji concentrates in Victor's steady heartbeat.

“I thought you were going back to Brian” says Benji because they need to have this conversation before anything else happens even if they are in the afterglow.

“I could not. He…” Victor turns his head so he is looking at Benji directly. “He ask me to get back together, he had insisted for a while actually but I...needed to stop it. I knew I wanted to be with you but I needed him to stop thinking about a future, I just couldn't wait to really end things and be with you”.

“That's why you were in such a hurry?”

“I know it sounds dumb but he was getting on my nerves and don't get me wrong, I loved him or at least I think I had. But we weren't good to each other, not for a long time but I was so scared. He had my back and was there for me when I came out to my family and friends and..it meant a lot.

“And when did you realize…?”

“That I liked you?” Victor smiles giving him a peck and Benji thinks he could die right here, happier than he's ever been.

“I don't know, when Mia introduced you I thought you were very hot -handsome too. But I didn't want anything, it was already complicated with Brian. And then we began to talk and I felt a connection, like we understood each other so well”.

“I felt that too. I feel it” Benji says because it's good to know it wasn't one sided.

“And I was kind of jealous of the guys near you but I thought it was more of a friend-jealousy? And then Mia and Andrew told me that I should get my shit together and figure out what I felt”.

“WHAT? They knew???”

Victor chuckles. “I think they realized it first than myself”.

“Seriously, they are like mind readers or what? Andrew teased me with you”.

“Oh my god, they knew all along” Victor laughs.

“Pilar knew it too” admits Benji. 

“Oh my god, so Felix knows it too”.

“Fucking finally” interrupts a voice in the hall.

“PILAR! Knock the door before entering!” Victor scolds.

“Whatever, now Mia and Andrew owe me 100 dollars”.

“Excuse me?”

“We all knew you were gonna bone as soon as you were under the same room. Facts” says Pilar and Felix only shrugs. “We only bet for you happiness”.

“I am so going to kill them” mutters Victor and Pilar shuts the door.

“That can wait” whispers Benji. 

Let's say they spent a lot of the time in Victor's bedroom all summer.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
